I am the type of person who will doubt herself till the cows come home. It's just my natural reaction to just about everything. I seem to go by the phrase, "when in doubt...doubt yourself more".
People have always picked up on it and have told me to "stop doubting yourself!" but it is honestly such a natural reaction for me, I don't even think I realise I'm doing it some of the time.
I could be a fully qualified doctor and still be stood questioning myself and my abilities. My heart would know what to do but something will always be ticking in the back of my mind like "what if you're wrong?" I've always been a super shy person, even in school and growing up. I was never the loud kid in class or one of the "popular" ones. I'd never raise my hand to ask questions from fear of looking silly or dumb. I just liked to keep myself to myself and just get through each day as they came.
"The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt"
I think some of my doubt comes down to other people always doubting me. I can remember specific times, even in primary school where I wanted to perform a song with my friends for our class but they told me I wasn't as good as the others so there was no point me doing it - FYI, I don't want to pursue singing or anything but this is just one of my examples. Im happy to just be a car singer.
I grew up riding horses and all my friends had ponies too. They had all been riding and jumping a bit longer than me and were really good, and when it came to having lessons, I was never in their class as I was still a bit too nervous. Maybe this was me comparing myself to them and not wanting to show myself up by being in their class and messing up. I just stayed in my comfort zone, even though that meant being left out of some horse shows or events.
"When the dark clouds of doubt, anger or worry begin to move upon you, steady yourself in the knowledge that in time, the storm will pass"
Is this me doubting myself or me being nervous to use my abilities? Or are these the same thing? Is it just my anxiety affecting everything?
"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will"
There is so much out there in the world and something as simple as anxiety or self doubt can stop you from turning pages of your book. It can be all too easy to just sit back and let life pass you by without giving it a second thought. Anxiety can literally stop you dead in your tracks and make you feel like there is no point in even trying to do new things or travel to new places because you feel like you CAN'T do it. Im not saying there is a way to stop this way of thinking because I am stuck in this rut myself and am honestly struggling to pull myself out of it. I have totally let anxiety, doubt and lack of self confidence ruin my life, more so in the last year than anything.
"Life isn't going to wait for you"
My friend said this to me and it is honestly so true. Whether you like it or not, life is ticking by with or without you. It's down to you how you choose to spend your time.
Reading this back I am aware this doesn't have much sense or purpose to it but I'm just throwing my feelings out there.
Keeping doing you,boo x
nicole x
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